I am not an expert, but from what I have
observed – I have concluded that the problems that many people have with
relationships and with themselves stems from their idea of Sex. Men and women
have different interpretations of sex.
The difference in perception of sex in men and women can ruin a girl’s
life and frustrate a man’s life; it is the reason for many relationship and
personal problems. Allow me to explain.
From very young, women are taught that sex is
special. We are taught to save sex for marriage or for the person we love,
because love is supposed to last forever. Women are taught to save their
virginity because it is the one and only sacred thing we have. If we lose our
virginity we can never get it back, and if we do lose it to someone
insignificant we are ruined and deemed less valuable/special/sacred.
On the contrary, men are taught (either from
society, media, older male friends or peers) that they must have as much sex
with as many women as possible. Sex many times is not correlated with love or
emotions to men.
If we take a young woman with an upbringing
as mentioned above and a young man with an upbringing as mentioned above, I’m
sure you can imagine what it will produce: A broken-hearted, lifeless girl with
low self-esteem or self-value; and an insensitive young man with a big ego. In
his mind, he has done nothing wrong. In her mind, she has done the biggest
wrong she could ever do to herself.
These types of behaviours are carried on to
adulthood and women have even learned to adapt to them. It has produced women
who are numb and have learned that “catching feelings” won’t get them anywhere.
So, they behave the same way men do, have sex with no strings attached and
block all feelings or meaning
for sex. We call these women as Wale, the rapper, did in his single “Bad.”
Now the problem is, women with these types of
labels are the same women that men are taught to stay away from (usually from
parents and even friends) when considering a serious relationship.
On the same token, these women, as stated,
are fed-up, and SAY they don’t want a relationship, and suppress their feelings because of what happened to them the
last time they became emotionally attached to a man-they were hurt badly.
So as a DEFENCE MECHANISM, women become
“Bad”.
Bad, as in willing to have sex without
relationship, be promiscuous and not require fidelity or commitment from a man.
I can categorically tell you - no woman does this out of joy; they do this out
of hurt.
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