YOUR CRUSH MAY BE GOOD FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that the person you like can serve as a booster for your relationship.

Are you in a relationship? Are you also harbouring a secret crush? It turns out this might not be such a bad thing after all.

A new study has shown that having an unspoken crush probably isn’t doing your relationship any harm and, in some cases, may even contribute to an increased level of intimacy with your partner.

The study was conducted by sexual health researchers at several American universities and published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.

The researchers surveyed around 200 women, all of whom had been in a relationship for at least three years. Most were married, and aged between 19 and 56. The women filled in an online questionnaire where they answered questions about their partners and other sexual attractions.

As many as 70 percent of those involved in the survey said that they had been attracted to someone else while in a relationship. Perhaps not surprisingly, most of these crushes happened at work.

When asked if they were worried about their crushes, most of the women said they weren’t, stating that having an attraction to someone else hadn’t affected how they felt about their partners, nor had it had any kind of negative effect on the relationship.

A small portion even said that being attracted to someone else had strengthened their relationships by making them feel more attracted to their partners. This may be the result of increased sexual desire being unleashed within the relationship.

As long as you recognise where the line is drawn in your relationship, infatuations at work or elsewhere may well be perfectly healthy and safe. We’re certainly not suggesting you seek out a crush, but if you have one, and you remain committed to your partner, perhaps you needn’t worry too much. 2 Timothy 1:7

HOW GAY ARE YOU?

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed - I have concluded that many people are sexually lost. Do you identify as straight, or gay, or somewhere in between? A new poll suggests we may be becoming more open-minded about our sexuality as a nation.

According to a YouGov poll, nearly half of 16 to 24 year olds don’t identify as either completely straight or completely gay, and nearly a fifth of us of all ages also fall somewhere in the middle.

The poll used a scale of sexual orientation originally devised by Dr Alfred Kinsey in the 1940s which asks people to give themselves a number from 0-6; 0 being exclusively heterosexual and 6 being exclusively homosexual.

72 percent of respondents to the recent survey rated themselves as completely heterosexual, with 4 percent rating themselves completely homosexual. The remaining 19 percent fell somewhere in the middle, although this figure rose to 49 percent for 16 to 24 year olds.

Only 2 percent placed themselves directly in the middle of the scale, with the majority leaning more towards the heterosexual side. Sexual orientation may not be as black and white (or indeed grey) as we sometimes think.

The trends around younger adults may suggest that we, as a nation, are becoming more sexually open-minded with time, but may also point to the idea that youth and young adulthood can be a time of uncertainty and exploration, when we are still getting to know ourselves and our sexual identities, and figuring out who we are. Leviticus 20:13

MIDDLE-AGED COUPLES ARGUE ABOUT MONEY MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that conversations around money is quite sensitive. A survey has shown that money worries are the top cause of rows among middle-aged couples.

The money website SavvyWoman.co.uk has published the results of a survey about women and money, including how it can lead to arguments between couples. Money was the top cause of arguments for couples aged between 35 and 54, and second overall for all age groups, beaten only by disagreements about keeping things clean and tidy. Some 2,000 people were surveyed, 1,400 of whom were in relationships. Other sources of conflict included household chores, in-laws, sex, social lives, and previous partners. One third of co-habiting couples - couples who live together but aren’t married – said they didn’t have a joint bank account. This was also true for a quarter of married couples.

Many people also said that they didn’t have much knowledge of their partners’ finances. Nearly half of all respondents said they didn’t know how much their partner earns, what they save each month, and how much they might owe.

The survey also looked at other money issues in relationships. One in ten of the women surveyed said that they had been left dealing with the debts of ex-partners after a breakup.

Patriots, if you are planning on moving into a new phase in your relationship like getting married or moving in together, it can be really useful to have a conversation about money. This is particularly important if you are struggling financially or dealing with debts, as an early conversation can prevent things escalating and give you a better chance of dealing with things together. Matthew 6:21

YOU ARE THE PROBLEM

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that relationships are not as complicated as they may seem. You read book after book explaining how to improve your relationships. Too many of them have you looking to others for clues when the only clue you need starts with you. How do you view your relationship with you? This may sound like a strange question, but your answer will provide clues as to why your other relationships are loving or not. 

If you experience difficulties liking who you are or your inner voice is critical of you, you most likely experience challenges in relationships. Your mind will be as critical with others as with you. This psychological phenomenon occurs with other beliefs that you carry about yourself and other people. Your mind will reinforce your beliefs that you have about yourself and others by showing you proof of these beliefs over and over again. This is why beliefs are hard to change. We become convinced that people are treating us poorly and fail to understand how our belief system goes to great lengths to show us evidence of what we think about and assume in others.

To get back to where we started, changing your perception of how you feel about yourself is the key to change. What makes this easier to manage is that you are the only person you can really change in this world. Unless you start to appreciate yourself, which includes being kinder and more loving to you, you will continue to experience relationship problems.

Can you look at yourself in the mirror and make loving statements? You may say this feels silly or dumb. Guess what? If this comes to mind, then you possess beliefs that depict you as unworthy of love. Until you make the connection that you are worthy of love, you will go to great lengths to sabotage the love you could experience. Your ability to appreciate yourself and others stem from your ability to love and nurture yourself. You need to understand the importance of your existence. You would not be if you were not important. 

Until you fully understand that, you will only define your worth based upon the changing tides of public opinion. Begin to love yourself, you will be better equipped to engage others in more meaningful and loving relationships. You will start to pick out their positive attributes and engage in ways that bring out their love for you. Psalm 139: 13-15

WHAT SHE SAYS vs WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that it can be confusing and frustrating when a girl says one thing and means another. One important thing to note about women is that most of the time – you cannot take their words literally. Women are incredibly equipped to be able to read between the lines and pick-up on things that are not being “said”. 

This is one of the primary ways in which they create and maintain relationships with other women and the people around them. If you actually watch two women interact with one another – you will see that they are always reading behind the lines to identify the true meaning of what is being said. 

The majority of men are very literal. We take things at face value. Thus, the difference in communication styles creates discrepancies. Please feel free to use this post as a translation guide. And, if there is a common phrase that I missed which you would like a translation for, please leave it in the comments below and I will explain it.

She says: “I’m fine”

What she means: There is something wrong. And, you should know that when she says she's fine – she's really not. Why she does this: She wants you to care enough to first notice that something is wrong and then secondly, ask her questions to determine what’s really on her mind. What you should do: When a woman tells you she is fine – realise that it’s a red flag that something is up. You get one point for noticing. And, one point for doing something about it. More often than not, she will either be feeling vulnerable or angry about something. If she is feeling vulnerable, focus more on reassurance. If she is feeling angry, focus on getting her to lighten-up, laugh, and relax a little more.

She says: “Just forget about it”

What she means is: just forget about it…for now, because she's frustrated she's not getting her point across to you. And, if she further argues with you, she's probably going to cry or be really upset. But she's too angry right now to be upset. Why she does this: To end the conversation before she gets too upset or to alert you that she is actually annoyed about something. What you should do: Find out where the misunderstanding lies. Most of the time she will say this because she feels like you don’t understand something that she is trying to communicate with you. Tell her you won’t forget about it until she tells you what’s really going on. Don’t interpret it literally.

She says: “I’ll be five minutes”

What she means: Whatever a woman says she needs time for, it’s best to at least double that. So, if she says five minutes – then expect at least 10 minutes. This is important for shorter time frames, but it decreases as the time frame expands. So if she says three hours then estimate about 4.5 to 5 hours…not 6.

Why she does this: Women genuinely believe that they can get things done within that time frame. But reality doesn’t usually match the expectation. What you should do: Use the time formula to expect what time she really needs. Don’t hold it against her – if she exceeds her time. Just accommodate it into your plans. Never accuse a woman of being late. She's a woman for crying out loud. How about you stick to your lane?

She says: “Isn’t that girl hot?”

What she means: Reassure me that I’m prettier. Why she does this: She wants to know if you will be easily swayed by the next hot girl to test how faithful you are to her. What you should do: Be playful about it and then highlight something that you like better about her.

She says: “Let’s just be friends”

What she means: I don’t feel enough attraction for you to be more than that.

Why she does this: She feels that it will be a softer way of letting you down. What you should do: Stop mopping around about being friend-zoned. If you value her as friend – then work on being her friend. If you are only really interested in her in that romantic way, then focus on changing the chemistry of the relationship – which may involve going away for a short bit and coming back with a different game plan. However, you also stand a massive chance of losing her completely. 

She says: “I’m not interesting in dating anyone at the moment”

What she means: I’m not interested in dating you. Sir, you fall under the "anyone" category. Why she does this: She doesn’t want to bluntly say the above. What you should do: It depends on the context in which she has said this. If it’s just a random comment while mid conversation – it could be a hint that she doesn’t feel attracted to you, yet. In this case, you want to focus on building that attraction, connection, and spark. If she says this while you are planning to take her on a date or trying to launch a kiss – then it’s a definite that she isn’t at the point where she feels that physical attraction for you. Stick to your lane.

She says: “Some guy was hitting on me yesterday…”

What she means: Are you going to be jealous that a guy hit on me? Why she does this: She wants to know if you care enough to be a little protective over her. She wants reassurance that you appreciate her. What you should do: Don’t act in the extreme. She's the drama Queen, not you. So, don’t react with intense jealousy or with complete ignorance. Rather, take it on board, respond calmly and add a subtle suggestion that you are glad she is your girl and not someone else’s. Don't ignore brush it off.

She says: “You can go if you want to…”

What she means: I dare you to go, but you don’t have my permission. I won’t stop you from going, but you will pay for it later. Why she does this: She is upset that you going for whatever reason and expects you to take her feelings into consideration before you make that decision. What you should do: Don’t automatically give in. Most of the time acknowledge her feelings, reassure her – and then make the best decision for you. She may not like it initially – but she will learn to respect it. 

She asks: “What was your last girlfriend like?”

What she means: How does she compare to her? Why she does this: She is looking for reasons why she would be a better match for you. She also wants to gauge how much of a grip the past has on you – to see your longer term viability and emotional availability. What you should do: Talk from a neutral state about your ex and then highlight certain things that you really like about your current girl.

Obviously, each situation is a little different. But these translations serve as a general guideline as to what a woman usually means when she says something. Your course of action is always up to you. My advice is to experiment with by responding in ways you usually would and then trying some of these suggestions out and gauging if you get a different response. If, there was a phrase that you would really like translated then let me know what it is in the comments below. Colosians 4:6

DO YOU WANT TO BE IN A BATTLE OR A RELATIONSHIP?

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that some people just aren’t ready for you or what a relationship entails. I’m not talking about some wishy-washy affair or one where it’s imbalanced due to one party sacrificing themselves to maintain the status quo. No, I’m talking about a mutual, co-piloted partnership. Not perfection, not questioning the hell out of each other or yourselves, not lather, rinse, repeat cycle of chaos, but instead – coming together because you know who you are and that you can survive and thrive on your own and that together, you enhance what’s already there and have a great time together, as well as dealing with not so smooth times instead of being divided by them. 

No amount of ‘pleasing’, twisting, morphing, blending, nor discussing to the nth degree, begging, pleading, cajoling and negotiating is going to change that. That’s not a relationship; that’s a battle.

If you’ll give a ‘discount’ or remove what may be perceived as the cumbersome ‘options’ such as being truly intimate and committed, or just having basic care, trust, and respect, that person who you’re effectively battling with, will be ‘in’, as in, ‘in’ as long as they have the option to be half out and to do things on their terms. If you’ll discount your boundaries, needs, feelings etc, they’ll be okay with that because they’ll get to remain in their comfort zone.

If you’re willing to do a little or a lot of the effort, great, and if you’ll pump them up, even better. You end up giving away so much of you that you may feel compelled to fight solely on the basis that if you were to win, you could restore your sense of self. Instead, you are likely to end up losing even more because in getting side-tracked, the battle takes you further away from who you are, but also takes you further from the very things that you may profess to want. Many people tell me that they want mutual love, care, trust, and respect along with stability and a sense of direction and yet, they’re in chaos due to fighting a prolonged and sustained battle that if only their ego wasn’t so heavily involved, they would have stepped away long before.

What are you fighting for? It may seem as if you’re fighting for love or for the relationship, but should a relationship be a battle? Where do you draw the line? It ends up being a battle for power and supremacy of terms because it really becomes about fighting and competing, which becomes about winning and losing, and ultimately this doesn’t leave room for a mutually fulfilling co-piloted relationship.

When we mistake battling for loving, what we also don’t always admit is that aside from wanting to win back some credibility with ourselves, that we also continue because we’re driven to want to control the uncontrollable, hence we want to be in control of the outcome, and mistake the outcome as ‘being able to control the other party’, when actually we can change the outcome by changing our path and changing the definition of that outcome from battle conclusion to using the participation to jolt us into addressing our relationship with ourselves and our love habits.

Are you wanting to engage in a sustained and prolonged fight, or do you want to love and be loved? Choose wisely and act accordingly. Ephesians 4:32

FIRST DATE - LYING, LIES AND LIARS

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that to impress that special person we like, we sometimes lie. Because the truth may, at times, make us feel awkward and may set the other person free from you. To make other people feel comfortable as well as to build up our image, we lie. Lying and withholding the truth can ruin your date. Does lying help? Many of us give some information about ourselves that is inaccurate and exaggerated. If you are a guy, you may boast of a higher income level where she may fudge her current age. Lying never wins out the heart of your date and hurts in the long term. Let us examine more.

First you need to ask yourself why you are going on this date. Is it only for fun for a day to find out if we can find someone to build a lasting relationship? If we are looking for fun for a day, you should make your intentions clear to place the correct message and boundary for the evening. Many guys give a different impression and message especially to manipulate their date for sexual activity. If we are looking for a long-term relationship or a single evening with a date, every lie will ultimately get exposed and hurt will result.

We might be feeling very uncomfortable during a date, which would be better put out in the open to generate honest communication. Sometimes a lie is carried out, such as everything is going well, which can make for a very long evening if the contrary is true. Some people are habitual liars. They rarely speak the truth and lie as a matter of daily habit to the point that their lies and truths become blurred. Such people give wrong ideas to their date and hurt him or her.

Lying hurts not only during dating, but also in everyday life. Love and respect are not possible without honesty. Honesty is one of those virtues that seems to be leaving our culture. Morality needs to be present in a relationship for the relationship to grow meaningful and strong. This may account for the high divorce rate and the problems in dating and marriage. Divorce and hurt seem to be winning out more than true love, respect, and honesty. So keep it simple – don’t lie, just make things clear. Proverbs 17:7

IS IT TIME TO BLAME THE HIGHER POWER?

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that your ability to gain a perspective of life that includes an appreciation what you have to offer to life along with your ability to see beyond this life are keys to spirituality. Persons who are anxious, insecure, and afraid of life seem to lack spirituality. They only see how life deals them a bad hand and look to life to give them a sense of wonder instead of making their contribution to life.

When you look realistically and rationally to life and the truth, your life span on this earth will be a blink of an eye when you look at the concept of the time in reference to being away from this world for eternity. The concept of forever is a scary one if you lack spirituality. Self-indulgence and immorality drive many people who really do not believe that there is a broader meaning to our lives that transcends past this lifetime. The meaning one finds to their life is an individual and unique journey. There are many books and resources concerning meditation and spirituality. Numerous people who have been hurt have abandoned their spirituality and have blamed their higher power for their circumstances.

The key to spirituality is giving back and not blaming. I think we all can blame others for their wrong doing toward us but will remain stuck in anger, insecurity, and anxiousness until we let go of these feelings and get back in the game of life. How many of us have made the statement that life is not fair. This is very true, but is taken from the perspective of what is happening to us. What about what we do to others in response to life being unfair. Do we hurt others and blame them for life’s unfairness. Many of the people we end up blaming are those who cannot change our life circumstances.

The biggest step one can make in life is to accept the premise that life may be unfair, but that one can overcome this unfairness through one’s own perseverance and demonstration of high moral and virtuous living. This process entails giving back by demonstrating the virtues of love, honesty, and respect and also includes the discovery of a higher power through spirituality. I believe that the pursuit of selflessness is crucial in your pursuit in finding yourself and the meaning of life. Blaming or taking from others will not show you the meaning and happiness of giving back in ways that demonstrate love, honesty, and respect.

Your daily thoughts and meditations should consist of how you can make contributions to society. They can also include thoughts to help you to process your interactions with others each day and how you maintained the three virtues and appropriate boundaries. You can reflect upon how you demonstrate love and did so as selfless as possible or how you brought out the unique qualities in a person that were not appreciated by others. Or how you owned up to your part in problems that helped someone understand the truth about a situation. I do not believe you have to learn any special style in which to meditate other than finding a way to remove yourself from others and find a way to relax yourself. The hardest part is to focus on the task at hand. This may take time for you to develop. Some people can do this automatically. There are deep breathing and body positioning ideas that can help you. I do recommend you research this for yourself and develop a way to process your thoughts and daily interactions. You should start with your daily interactions due to this being so important in your healing process. Over time, you will be able to expand this to include other things.

The purpose of this reflection is to help you connect your daily actions to the bigger picture of life. Is your positive energy pleasing to your higher power? Can you connect your actions to how you feel? Through quiet reflection time each day and using the virtue format to reflect, this will help you to focus on how well you are engaging people in life. Are you avoiding people or expecting others to give to you? Many victims of hurt are waiting for others to respect and love them and think that this is the approach to how they engage others. Their daily reflections are focused towards self-pity and fantasy that others will seek them out and love them.


So don’t blame God. Talk to God. The reason why you need meditation as a daily part of your life is to regain a sense of the bigger picture of life and to become closer to yourself. Many times, life stresses will cause you to lose perspective in life and make you lose who you are and where your place is in this life and the people around you. Through a daily ritual for at least 30 minutes each day, you can begin to reflect upon life and rediscover the truth about what is meaningful and what is not. Many people spend most of their day reflecting on meaningless information. 

This is information that they do not have control. Do you obsess over those things you have no control? Do these thoughts consume you and cause you to be distant or hurtful to other people in your life? Meditation is like any other activity in life in the fact that you will need to practice this before you get good at it. Most people experience problems clearing their minds of their hectic day to reflect on a message or other focal points to produce an enlightened state of mind. Once you keep at this process, you will gain the ability to see beyond your daily hassles and focus on what you can do to improve your relationships and find greater meaning in your life. Psalm 119:164