YOU ARE THE PROBLEM

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that relationships are not as complicated as they may seem. You read book after book explaining how to improve your relationships. Too many of them have you looking to others for clues when the only clue you need starts with you. How do you view your relationship with you? This may sound like a strange question, but your answer will provide clues as to why your other relationships are loving or not. 

If you experience difficulties liking who you are or your inner voice is critical of you, you most likely experience challenges in relationships. Your mind will be as critical with others as with you. This psychological phenomenon occurs with other beliefs that you carry about yourself and other people. Your mind will reinforce your beliefs that you have about yourself and others by showing you proof of these beliefs over and over again. This is why beliefs are hard to change. We become convinced that people are treating us poorly and fail to understand how our belief system goes to great lengths to show us evidence of what we think about and assume in others.

To get back to where we started, changing your perception of how you feel about yourself is the key to change. What makes this easier to manage is that you are the only person you can really change in this world. Unless you start to appreciate yourself, which includes being kinder and more loving to you, you will continue to experience relationship problems.

Can you look at yourself in the mirror and make loving statements? You may say this feels silly or dumb. Guess what? If this comes to mind, then you possess beliefs that depict you as unworthy of love. Until you make the connection that you are worthy of love, you will go to great lengths to sabotage the love you could experience. Your ability to appreciate yourself and others stem from your ability to love and nurture yourself. You need to understand the importance of your existence. You would not be if you were not important. 

Until you fully understand that, you will only define your worth based upon the changing tides of public opinion. Begin to love yourself, you will be better equipped to engage others in more meaningful and loving relationships. You will start to pick out their positive attributes and engage in ways that bring out their love for you. Psalm 139: 13-15