SHE’S JUST A FRIEND…

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that we, men, are cunning in the way we dodge reality. Men are also keen in avoiding arguments and sometimes avoiding the truth. The point of this article is to encourage communication between couples. This term communication is so overused that it opaques the truism of the importance of communication.

The first part of communication is honesty. To get the full truth from some men is like pulling teeth, so women get your wrenches ready. Communication requires effort, intelligence and skill. Men will say “she’s just a friend” to describe just about any female in their lives: an ex, a side chick, a secret lover, a past casual sex partner or a secret admirer. When a man tells you she’s just a friend, it should raise an eyebrow, especially if the woman is actively in his life. Be inclined to find out what kind of friend she is. The most important question to ask in order to find this out is: “Did you sleep with her?” This will tell you exactly what kind of friend she is. Real friends don’t have sex with each other.

“She’s just a friend” may even mean, she’s my BEST friend. This is another situation that requires preparation for. Is she secretly the woman of his dreams, and being stuck in the friendship zone is the only way to keep her near? Or is she the type of best friend who will know everything about your man before you know it? Will she be calling him at all hours of the night and every day? Or does he have such high regards for this woman that you will be subject to frequent comparisons to her? Communication will help you better understand your man’s relationship with his friend.

Lastly, if your man says she’s just a friend, then maybe she’s just that! You will know by how his female friend treats you as the girlfriend. Does she request for your friendship on social media and in real life? Have you met her? Is she nice to you? Does she ask to meet you and invites you on double dates? Does she welcome you into the circle of friends? If the answer to these questions is yes, your man has a legitimate female friend - no worries mtaka dade wethu. But if this female friend doesn’t do any of the above-this girl is questionable. As a girlfriend, you will never really know what it means when your man says “she’s just the friend,” until you figure it out, so use context clues and communicate effectively with your man!