MAIN CHICK VS SIDE CHICK

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that history has revealed to us that men like women. Sometimes men like different types of women. And sometimes men like to have different types of women at the same time.

Hence there is this deep rooted culture of polygamy in the history of men and women. Nonetheless, this truism is not the point of this article; rather, it’s about distinguishing the different roles women play in relationships with men (that pretend to be monogamist). Nowadays, we like to refer to the two different roles of women as the Main Chick and the Side chick. It is not uncommon for men and the general public to undermine the value and essence of a WOMAN with names like these that give reference to an animal, food or object, but that’s not the point of this article either. My point is that whether you are a main chick or a side chick, you are not being valued as the woman you want to be, rather, you are still confined to the role a man wants you to be.

Main Chick:

The main chick is the public figure. She gets most of the public credit for being the significant other. Most of the time honesty is held from her and she doesn’t know that her man has side chicks. Sometimes she does, and follows to this role as a main woman while knowing her man has another woman on the side. She stays within the context of the role to preserve her man’s image for society, family, friends and culture. Her silence is golden to keep the image her man wants for himself. She is the significant other in her own eyes and in the eyes of others. But is she really significant in her man’s eyes? I want you to question the significance of a title if your man is not really living by your expectations of the title?

Side Chick:

The side chick is the hidden significant other. She is still significant because she fulfills a man’s needs and brings satisfaction to a man. The need is real and has a long history because as we all know; prostitution is the oldest job in the history of women. So according to me, a side chick is a prostitute. Some of my friends have argued that the world has many women, they also need love. Wrong! Most side chicks need money. Prostitute tendencies. Let me carry on…The side chick has many similarities to the main chick, because just like the main chick, she is a consistent figure. There is a relationship between the man and the side chick. There is a give and take and a mutual connection and the relationship they share. It may not be legitimised by a title like the main chick, but the relationship is real and highly significant. Arguable, even more so than the main chick because the man depends on this woman’s maintained secrecy. The side chick is usually aware that she is the side chick, so the man has more to lose with the side chick. If the side chick chooses to reveal herself, she has the power to ruin a man’s life and reputation. The side chick has more power than we tend to think of. Just like the main chick, the man depends on the side chick’s silence to keep his image to society.

Conclusion:

It seems as though many aspects of a woman’s life is controlled by men, even in mutual relationships. Whether you are the main chick or the side chick, your relationship may be manipulated by the man. As a caring guy, I’m telling you that it’s time for women to step up and get what they really want from a relationship with a man: Honesty, Integrity and Loyalty. Most women want to be the One and Only. Men, is that really possible? If so, women, don’t settle for anything other than that. It’s time to give priority to your wants and needs from a relationship with a man. And to you ladies with side men, we see you...(Hebrews 13:4)

SHE’S JUST A FRIEND…

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that we, men, are cunning in the way we dodge reality. Men are also keen in avoiding arguments and sometimes avoiding the truth. The point of this article is to encourage communication between couples. This term communication is so overused that it opaques the truism of the importance of communication.

The first part of communication is honesty. To get the full truth from some men is like pulling teeth, so women get your wrenches ready. Communication requires effort, intelligence and skill. Men will say “she’s just a friend” to describe just about any female in their lives: an ex, a side chick, a secret lover, a past casual sex partner or a secret admirer. When a man tells you she’s just a friend, it should raise an eyebrow, especially if the woman is actively in his life. Be inclined to find out what kind of friend she is. The most important question to ask in order to find this out is: “Did you sleep with her?” This will tell you exactly what kind of friend she is. Real friends don’t have sex with each other.

“She’s just a friend” may even mean, she’s my BEST friend. This is another situation that requires preparation for. Is she secretly the woman of his dreams, and being stuck in the friendship zone is the only way to keep her near? Or is she the type of best friend who will know everything about your man before you know it? Will she be calling him at all hours of the night and every day? Or does he have such high regards for this woman that you will be subject to frequent comparisons to her? Communication will help you better understand your man’s relationship with his friend.

Lastly, if your man says she’s just a friend, then maybe she’s just that! You will know by how his female friend treats you as the girlfriend. Does she request for your friendship on social media and in real life? Have you met her? Is she nice to you? Does she ask to meet you and invites you on double dates? Does she welcome you into the circle of friends? If the answer to these questions is yes, your man has a legitimate female friend - no worries mtaka dade wethu. But if this female friend doesn’t do any of the above-this girl is questionable. As a girlfriend, you will never really know what it means when your man says “she’s just the friend,” until you figure it out, so use context clues and communicate effectively with your man!

BEWARE OF THE MAMA’S BOY

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that when a girl sees a man treat his mother like a queen can be appealing to her. They see themselves in the picture thinking: “If that’s the way he treats his mother, image how much nicer he’ll treat me!” That’s where they go wrong with a “Mama’s Boy”. Yes, they want the love, kindness, and selfless acts he gives his mother, but women who date mama’s boys are usually left with nothing but second place. Yes, I said it!

It is my task to make you aware of the dangers of dealing with a mama’s boy, teach you how to identify one and give you advice about it.

First sign of a mama’s boy: Phone calls from his mother while you are out on a date with him.  If your guy is over the age of 21 and his mother still keeps tabs on his every move especially when he is out on a date-RED FLAG. Guys have no idea how annoying that is! It can turn into a serious issue later on when you can’t even have moments of intimacy without his mother knowing. Imagine!

Second sign of a mama’s boy: He can’t go a day without talking to his mother. If you’re in Cancun, Mexico for a week or in the Poconos for the weekend and your guy calls his mother every night-RED FLAG. You are taking a vacation for a reason! There is no reason why a grown man can’t tell his mother that he is going on a trip with his lady without his mother understanding there should be no reason they should call each other unless there is an emergency.  It totally kills the moment and the whole purpose of the trip. You might as well just bring your mother along.

Third sign of a mama’s boy: Mother and son can’t do anything without consulting each other. Whether his mother is going to work, church, or the mall, she keeps him posted and vise versa.  If your guy can’t decide what to eat, what to wear, or how to cook, clean or take care of himself without consulting his mother- RED FLAG.

Fourth sign of a mama’s boy: The responsibility of the relationship is on YOU not him. If the relationship fails to progress it is your fault, never his. His mother will think you are wasting her precious son’s time, she thinks YOU are the reason the relationship is not working because she never sees the flaws in her son. And since he is his mother’s child, he never sees faults in himself either. If the relationship ends, you will be looked at as the bad person. If you have been dating for a while and not engaged or married, his mother will think: why don’t YOU want to get married, and not: why her son can’t MAN UP?!

Ladies, these gents may seem sweet at first, but don’t let them annoy you. If you decide to continue dating this type of a guy, understand that you must meet his mother’s expectations to have a successful relationship with her son, even if it means taking second place to his mother.

GIRLS BE LIKE: WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MEN HIDING?

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that a good man is hard to find. Receive that advice from a straight man. Women go on dates to hunt for a good catch, but are unsuccessful. The reason for this may be because women don’t know what to look for in a man. Women should have a mental list of all the things they want in a man. In this post I have provided a sample mental list of things that characterise a good man. Be mindful of this list and don’t sell yourself short on anything you want in a man.

The most important thing to keep in mind while on the hunt (excuse my word selection) is that men show you who they are right away, but most women don’t realise what they see until later. Think with your mind, not with a heart desperate to fall in love.

Here is a check list of characteristics of a good man:

No Baggage-No attachments to ex-girlfriends, side chicks or flings. A good man will respect himself and his new woman by not bringing past relationships into his new one. He cannot be friends with his ex. A genuine nonsexual friendship with an ex-lover is unrealistic. If once there was intimacy or an attraction, it isn’t hard to start that fire back up again. If he is unable to burn bridges with his past lovers then he is not ready to move on to you.

Educated-Education is still the key to success. A man who values education is a man with good values. An educated man is a well-rounded man, well verses and intelligent. Women like an intellectually stimulating conversation every now and then. An educated man also has the potential to be a good father in the future.

Job-Love won’t pay the bills, put food on the table, or put a roof over your head. We live in a real world where money is a necessary for survival. Not only is a stable income a necessity, but it also reflects a responsible man, hardworking and dedicated man. Good work ethics is a characteristic of a good man. A man may not have college degrees, but if he is a hard worker and reliable, that may be all you need!

Goals-A goal oriented man is a good man. Goals reflect ambition, optimism and good self-esteem. If he has a plan for the future then he is the type of man that needs to be in your future!

Family Values-Notice his outlook on his family. Is he respectful to his mother? Does he get along with his siblings? Is he helpful around the house? These are all key things to keep in observation. A man treats his wife the same way he treats his mother. If he is the type of man that makes time for his mother, values her and cares for her, he is a man that is fit for a queen!

Integrity-I can’t stress this word enough. This word encompasses a lot and sums up everything you need from a good man. A man with integrity pours out his reverence to God. A man of integrity is a man of his word. If says the date’s at 8pm, make sure he is at your door at 7:55pm. A man of integrity is an honest man, to himself and to the world. He is a good son, brother, friend, and lover.  He is loyal, reliable, and has morals. This last characteristic may take some time to witness, but it’s the best part because once you witness the goodness in a person, you have found yourself the one-and let the love begin!

5 ISSUES THAT CAN AFFECT RELATIONSHIPS

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that entering into a relationship is something that nobody takes for granted and for others, it is a situation that is foreign and actually takes a great deal of work to pursue. However, no relationship is perfect and there will always be reasons why couples fall out. The key is to understand that indifferences in relationships are par for the course and that mutual understanding is often the only solution. That said; let’s have a look at five common relationship issues that may rear their ugly head:

Distance

Long-distance relationships are tough; that is the bottom line. But if two parties are really interested, then they can work. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder right? Maybe, but what about the school of thought that says “out of sight out of mind”? The key to long distance relationships is communication. If you are serious, then call often, exchange emails or on a more distant scale send letters. However, in today’s digital age, social networks are the way forward and the sharing of pictures, videos and status updates with a loved one is the key.

Physical Attraction

Yes, it is looks that draw us to our partners; but looks alone are not enough to sustain a healthy, long-term relationship. Anyone who is fooled by this appearance and believes that a long-term relationship can be based on physical attraction alone is mistaken. While physical attraction is a fantastic aspect of a relationship, it cannot be the only basis and so nobody should be under the illusion that relationships based on physical attraction alone can last.

Somebody Else

We don’t like to admit it, but a huge problem when it comes to relationships is a third party. If your significant other is interested in someone else then there are two reasons why: a natural attraction or a feeling of neglect. The former you can do nothing about, but the latter is definitely something you need to discuss. However, perhaps the former is a result of the latter and so a heart-to-heart discussion is needed either way. A relationship cannot survive when there are three parties involved.

Romance is Dead

Everybody, especially girls, love romance. This is why a healthy relationship needs romance to be blossoming at all times. Unfortunately, romance can die out after a period of time with the same person and this has a detrimental effect on the relationship. Romantic gestures don’t necessarily need to be grand or expensive, but they need to come from the heart. The odd bunch of flowers or box of chocolates goes a long way when the other party is not expecting it.

Other unfortunate issues that can affect relationships in the romance department relate to the bedroom. Perhaps intimate relations have become a problem of late and one half of the relationship is unable to fulfil the other sexually. If this is the case, then help is available from reputable companies such as Prolong and further advice should be sought.

Jealousy

Jealousy is perhaps the biggest destroyer of relationships and most of the time it is unfounded. One partner becomes suspicious of the other’s activities and jealousy ensues. Moreover, there is usually a perfectly understandable explanation for certain behaviour, yet jealousy still leads to an argument occurring. The best advice is to talk about everything and anything. This why, jealousy will not rear its ugly head and you relationship will remain strong and healthy.