RELATIONSHIP ISSUES AT THE WORKPLACE

I am no expert, but I have observed and concluded that having a romantic relationship at work is the toughest.

Is there someone in your office with whom you find it challenging to deal? Is your life at work being harmed by a difficult relationship? It could be with a colleague, business partner, manager, director, customer or supplier.

So, let’s look at some strategies:

Value the differences: Being human, we all naturally relate better and more quickly to those we perceive as being like us. The solution is to identify the differences and to value the dissimilarities and variances between personalities and cultures. (Think about it: if oranges, apples and mangoes were all the same shape, colour and taste — meals would be very boring).

The 24-hour wait: If someone has said or done something that you don’t like, then endeavour not to react immediately. Try ‘sleeping on it’ and your perspective may well be different in the morning, plus the way that you decide to deal with the situation may be more professional and better considered.

Talk it out: If you really have a continuing problem with someone, you can just bury your head in the sand and become more angry and frustrated or, alternatively, you can take the initiative and arrange a convenient time and place to talk. I appreciate that in the short term, you may not wish to do this but in the long term, it could have measurable benefits to your relationship and subsequent interaction. (This applies whether the individual is above or below you in the corporate hierarchical structure).

Therefore, [a] choose a time and place; [b] acknowledge there are problems between you; [c] outline the conduct that you find a problem, and give examples; [d] explain how this affects you and [e] find out what you can both do to improve the relationship.

This should be a two-way communication, plus an opportunity to negotiate issues and find a common way forward that is acceptable to you both.

Be positive and interested: If you don’t like someone, it is tempting to share these feelings with your fellow colleagues, but this is just the time for tact and diplomacy. Gossiping can destroy morale and productivity and, however unpopular the other person may be, it can also impact your own reputation. If you need to offload your feelings, then find a trusted friend or even a family member who will listen and allow you to vent your feelings, safely.

Look from the other person’s perspective: This will mean putting your own views and judgments to one side and looking at the problem as if you were the other individual. With this technique of being empathic, it can be surprising how different a relationship can look from the other side.

Of course, such a relationship will only improve if both of you really want it and are prepared to work at it and, may be, make concessions. It may take more than one meeting to improve the connection and establish a rapport. But if you are willing to take this tangible first step, then you may well find that the rest will follow far more easily than you first thought possible.

HERE’S WHY YOU ARE FREAKING YOUR GUY OUT

I am no expert, but I have observed and realised that when it comes to dating, there are so many rules and so many things that we could get totally wrong. The problem with girls, is that they start acting too needy and too commitment ready, way to early!

The problem with guys is that they start acting too needy and too wussy. In some ways, you can see the similarities in this situation. But in this post I really wanted to cover some of the things which I believe chicks do wrong when it comes to casually dating someone.

Number One Mistake – Having The Conversation

I’m sure there are a lot of girls out there that have made this mistake. For those of you that don’t know what talk I’m talking about; I’m referring to the situation where you say to this guy you’re seeing “Where is this relationship going?”

I know when it comes to new relationships it can be a scary and a vulnerable time, since most girls don’t know where they stand. But asking a guy this and pressuring him to be more committed than what he already is, will only make him run out the door.

Here’s the thing ladies, guys don’t like to be pressured in that department. If they so much as smell the scent of a commitment crazed women, they are going to be out of there before you even get to finish the sentence.

Rather, I would say that when you are dating, be happy with the pace of the relationship. Be excited that you don’t know where it is going. Be thrilled that to an extent you can’t plan how well or bad this relationship is going to be.

Further, the more that you sit back and relax, the more he will feel the responsibility to lead, then the more the guy will want to take it to the next level. You just have to let him.

Of course there is always the chance that he isn’t into you as much as you are to him. But if you find that he is taking his sweet time - then simply don’t attempt to pursue a long term relationship with this guy, because he isn’t worth it.

Number Two – Developing Amnesia (forgetfulness)

Here’s the funny thing: When some chicks get into relationships, they all of a sudden get amnesia and forget who they are. They start being like their boyfriend or attempt to be something that they are not.

Let me just say that while there is a myth that guys don’t like independent and confident women…The truth is that they LOVE it. They don’t want some chick who just says ‘yes’ to everything that they say. Guys will always shy away from a girl that just worships them and wants to spend all their free time with them.

Guys love girls that have their own life and their own sense of personality. They don’t want you to become more like them. A guy you are dating should like you just the way you are. No better and no less.

If you find someone who doesn’t appreciate you like this, then it’s probably best that you ditch them now.

Number three – Invading His Space

Don’t get me wrong, but starting to date someone is an exciting stage in the relationship especially during the honey moon phase. You know the period where you can’t stop thinking about him and you are in Utopia? That’s what I’m talking about! Even though your feelings at this point in time can be really strong, it’s good to remember that you need to give your guy some space.

Guys are a little slower in the commitment arena and like I said before, they don’t like pressure. When you see them all the time and are in constant contact with them, it makes them feel as if they are going to lose their independence and who they are as a person. They start thinking that “HE” will become a “WE”. That thought scares them!

So my advice would be: even though you want to be with your guy 24/7, resist the temptation to be in contact with him all the time. The best line that comes to mind in regards to this topic is “How can I miss you, if you won’t go away?”

Give the guy the gift of missing you and you will notice that he will be much more appreciative of the time that you do get to spend together.

WHY DO YOU HAVE A TV IN YOUR BEDROOM? REMOVE THAT BOX!

*This post is dedicated to married couples.

I am no expert, but from what I have observed – Television can become a serious hindrance in your relationship. More like a third wheel. 

I have compiled eight simple reasons why you should relocate your TV:

  More and better sleep. Statistics have revealed that an average family in South Africa watches over 35 hours of television per week, which says to me the lure of the screen is simply too strong. I’m willing to bet that no one sets out to spend five hours a day watching television. But the temptation of the thing is too great… especially when we are tired. Not only does television in the bedroom keep one up later at night, but there are also studies that indicate that watching television before bed actually disrupts sleep cycles. 

    More conversations. Some of the best conversations occur with your spouse during the decreasing parts of the day. You can simply sit and talk. You can prepare for the next day together. You can connect. That is, of course, unless the TV is on. 

     Less clutter. A TV takes up a lot of space. It also attracts a lot of dust (all electronics do). Get rid of that box and declutter your room. Nothing can ruin romance faster than clutter.

    Reserve your room for two things. Every room in your home has a purpose. Keep the master bedroom’s purpose down to two things … sleep and love-making. Don’t pay bills on the bed. Don’t have arguments in the room. Treat your room as a special room and see what happens to the spirit and energy of your marriage. 

     Life is meant to be lived…not watched. It is far too easy to fall into the trap of watching other people live and not living yourself. Top this off with the fact that people and the stories you’re watching aren’t even real. It sets you up for unrealistic expectations and disappointment. Connect with those you live with. Talk. Love. Plan. Dream. Then live it! 

     Set a better example for your children. Kids are like sponges. They are also robots (to a degree). Meaning, they follow your lead, whether we like it or not. If you spend your time lost in your TV shows, what do you think they’ll want to do? By limiting the number of TV’s in your home and reducing the amount of time to watch it, you can lessen the amount of outside influence on your family. Please don’t come at me with the thought that advertising doesn’t affect you it absolutely does! The human psyche is easily swayed by outside enticements. A quick side note: Children with televisions in their bedrooms score lower on school tests and are more likely to have sleep problems. Plus, having a TV in the bedroom is strongly associated with being overweight and a higher risk for smoking. Enough said. 

     More reading. For many people, reading will help you get to sleep faster. Even if you’re not one of them, reading is better for your brain than TV. It access the creative centres of your brain more, it requires you to stretch and learn more, and the benefits of reading far outweigh the benefits of TV. 

    More sex. Surely you knew this one would be on the list. Couples who have a TV in the bedroom have sex half as often as those who don’t. Do the math…to me, it’s a no brainer.