No amount of
‘pleasing’, twisting, morphing, blending, nor discussing to the nth degree,
begging, pleading, cajoling and negotiating is going to change that. That’s not
a relationship; that’s a battle.
If you’ll give a
‘discount’ or remove what may be perceived as the cumbersome ‘options’ such as
being truly intimate and committed, or just having basic care, trust, and
respect, that person who you’re effectively battling with, will be ‘in’, as in,
‘in’ as long as they have the option to be half out and to do things on their
terms. If you’ll discount your boundaries, needs, feelings etc, they’ll be okay
with that because they’ll get to remain in their comfort zone.
If you’re willing
to do a little or a lot of the effort, great, and if you’ll pump them up, even
better. You end up giving away so much of you that you may feel compelled to
fight solely on the basis that if you were to win, you could restore your sense
of self. Instead, you are likely to end up losing even more because in getting side-tracked,
the battle takes you further away from who you are, but also takes you further from
the very things that you may profess to want. Many people tell me that they
want mutual love, care, trust, and respect along with stability and a sense of
direction and yet, they’re in chaos due to fighting a prolonged and sustained
battle that if only their ego wasn’t so heavily involved, they would have
stepped away long before.
What are you
fighting for? It may seem as if you’re fighting for love or for the
relationship, but should a relationship be a battle? Where do you draw the
line? It ends up being a battle for power and supremacy of terms because it really becomes about fighting and
competing, which becomes about winning and losing, and ultimately this doesn’t
leave room for a mutually fulfilling co-piloted relationship.
When we mistake
battling for loving, what we also don’t always admit is that aside from wanting
to win back some credibility with ourselves, that we also continue because
we’re driven to want to control the uncontrollable, hence we want to be in
control of the outcome, and mistake the outcome as ‘being able to control the
other party’, when actually we can change the outcome by changing our path and
changing the definition of that outcome from battle conclusion to using the participation
to jolt us into addressing our relationship with ourselves and our love habits.
Are you wanting to
engage in a sustained and prolonged fight, or do you want to love and be loved?
Choose wisely and act accordingly. Ephesians 4:32
