YOU ARE GETTING DUMPED!

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that no one wakes up and just decides to dump someone. There’s a host of elements involved. Here are a few signs you are on your way out the door. We hate to be the ones to break it to you, but somebody had to do it.

1. Your Significant Other’s (SO) friends start acting distant towards you. If there is a sudden change in their attitude towards you, ahh mfwethu, then that is a pretty good clue they know something you don’t.

2. Your SO doesn’t listen to you. And, when I say doesn’t listen you, I really mean hardly ever listens to you (everyone has days when they aren’t the best listeners). Generally, this becomes clear when you are trying to remind them of what you said and they have no idea what you are talking about.

3. Your SO is suddenly busy all of the time. If they truly cared they would be making time for you!

4. Lies, even small ones. Oftentimes this means they are starting a web of lies to cover up the one thing they do not want you to know about. (See my previous post).

5. Your SO keeps you waiting. It doesn’t even matter in what sense. From decisions on plans, to running late for a date, to not calling when they said they would.

6. A good old pat on the pack. According to many behavioural psychologists, a pat on the back during a hug is a sign of uneasiness.

7. Your SO picking silly fights. E.g., putting the seat down again or chewing your gum to loud. Picking minor fights is a sign of emotional distress in a relationship.

8. Your SO avoids talking about the future, even the immediate future, like plans for next Tuesday.

9. Any sentence starting with “we need to talk” or “it’s not you it’s me” pretty much means you should be packing the suitcase.

This list is not all inclusive, but it will hopefully help you decode some mysterious behaviour. Proverbs 3:5

IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND AN OBSESSIVE LIAR?

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that a relationship should be built on trust, respect and honesty. Keeping important things to yourself and not sharing it with your partner might eventually ruin your relationship.

There is such a thing as being an obsessive liar. Yes. If you are in a relationship and you love your partner too much to let him or her go, then you might want to take a look at the signs and reasons behind being an obsessive or compulsive liar:

This bad habit can stem from having a very low self-confidence. There are several reasons why one would compulsively or deliberately lie. One of which is having a low self-esteem. If you do not love yourself enough, then you can never love anyone else completely and selflessly.

Having a low self-esteem can later on lead to compulsive lying.

Take this as an example. A girl who had a humiliating childhood experience or comes from a broken family is very ashamed of her family background. Before she finally reaches adulthood, she is at a very awkward stage where it takes very little to wound her fragile ego. Resultantly, she makes up stories about her family background, and lies about herself.

Once she sees that her stories are weaving magic on other people and the stories make them like her, what is the result? She will keep on weaving lies, and this habit she will take with her until she grows into a mature adult. Often times, people with this complexity never think that they are, nor will they ever be, as good as the people around them. In the above example, once the girl turns out into a woman and she is at a stage where she begins to have relationships, guess what will happen? Instead of breaking the chain and finding ways to stop the habit, she will keep on lying to keep a man interested. In the end, she will never have a stable relationship because the truth about her will come out eventually.

What if my girlfriend IS a compulsive liar?

If you are a man with a girlfriend who is a compulsive liar, there is a very high probability that you will get hurt in the process. Once you find out about the web of lies that she told, will you still find it in your heart to forgive her? Unfortunately, having a relationship with a compulsive liar is quite harmful to other people’s feelings. Compulsive liars cannot help lying ‘even to their loved ones’ and if you have a girlfriend with this complexity, and she does not want to seek help, then you are at crossroads.

The Cure

The cure for compulsive lying depends on the person herself. If you are in a relationship with someone who is a compulsive liar, ask yourself, is she worth saving? The answer is, of course! Any person who wants to be cured of the compulsion to lie is worth saving. Proverbs 19:9

10 RED FLAGS IN DATING RELATIONSHIPS

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that there are some ‘red flags’ to watch out for in a new partner:

1.    Makes decisions about where to go or what to do with little or no input from you.

2.    Rubbishes your opinion when the two of you are alone and may call you names.

3.    Makes disparaging remarks about you in front of others and may talk about you as if you were not there.

4.    May be awkward and rough during lovemaking and make you engage in acts you do not like.

5.    Does not want to spend time with your friends or family.

6.    Will not acknowledge your areas of expertise and may put down what you do in the workplace – ignoring any of your accomplishments.

7.    May openly flirt with others and then accuse you of being jealous when you object.

8.    Gets angry and loses temper over nothings. Stays angry for a long time and attempts to blame all arguments on you.

9.    May hit walls and screams when angry.

10. One of the main factors is that he/she comes on very strong in the beginning of your relationship – sweeps you off your feet – and wants an exclusive relationship too quickly. Many women feel flattered at the intensity of the man’s seeming need for an immediate connection and consequently overlook the inappropriateness of it. This should not be confused with ‘love at first sight’ where one or both parties feel an instant connection – without any of the aforementioned behaviours.

There are many other factors that could be listed – but if your partner begins displaying the above qualities – realise it will not get better, only worse. He will likely be unwilling to discuss his/her emotions openly.

Some things can be spoken through. But if this describes your partner, run – do not walk – run! 1 Corinthians 15:33

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR EGO

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that your ego can always injure your relationship. We all have been taught that our ego is a good part of our psychic make-up and that this part of our mind helps to keep us safe from our impulses that can do us harm or harm others. When we take a further look at what the ego really has done, we start to see somewhat of a different picture.

Our ego that feeds our conscious thoughts has a function that keeps us separated from others. This part of our conscious thoughts speaks to us as an assistant to keep us safe and separate from others resulting in a departure from love. The instruction we have received from the ego is to not trust others, to stay away from anyone or anything that is different from what we perceive ourselves to be, and to just take care of our own interests and needs. Some of the ego’s messages are subtle and have gained societal approval surrounding how others should be judged and punished in the world. This specialness and separateness that our egos have created is what has caused many people to live their lives in fear and frustration. Love in relationships is based upon oneness and feelings of joy and fulfilment.

The ego is filled with thoughts and beliefs that you automatically respond to as if you were on autopilot as you engage the world each day. The trick to subduing the ego is to begin to gauge your thoughts when you feel negative emotions. As you start to feel unhappy and frustrated, you will see that the ego is telling you that you need to take care of you and leave the others behind. Your tendencies at that time will be to retreat from others and isolate yourself from the people that could bring you love and fellowship. The act of surrendering to love is a conscious choice to move your thoughts to better ones that sees no defects in yourself or the others that you engage each day in life. This only occurs with a conscious effort to look to the positive aspects of one’s life and the act of appreciating each possession, person, and place that one comes in contact each moment of each day.

When you begin to value you and what makes up your world, you begin to see the beauty in you and your surroundings. Please see my previous piece (hugging yourself). This helps you to get out front of your ego and pave your way each day to how interconnected you are to others and your world. This world and the people in it move together to ensure we have what we need when we need it and that we find relationships that will complement our love and joy. Once you see the world and others without your ego in the lead, your connection to them will be more loving and fulfilling. Life was meant to be fun, joyful, and filled with love. Your conscious choice to live this way is the key to your happiness. Philippians 2:1-10