MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK THROUGH HIS PHONE

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that you really don’t know a person until you have looked through their cellphone. Nowadays, a cell phone is more than just a device to make emergency phone calls with. A cellphone is a personal and PRIVATE device that stores a plethora of information. You will discover a world of new things about a person when you look through their cellphone if you have never done it before…

I had a friend who was in a happy relationship UNTIL she looked through her boo’s phone. She saw text conversations she never imagined existed and it caused her to end the relationship with her otherwise near perfect man.

In spite of knowing what you can find in a cellphone, many of us still refrain from looking through our partner’s cell phone. Why?

Two reasons:

1. You don’t want to know.

2. You trust your partner.

You don’t want to know

Seek and you shall find. If you are looking for something bad, that is what you will find. People choose not to look through their partner’s cell phone because they have no interest in finding something that may mess-up the relationship. It’s not necessarily trust, it is more like avoidance. In the story I mentioned above, my friend learned her lesson early on and has made a lifelong decision; never look through a guy’s phone ever again. There is no way to build a cheat-proof relationship, so focus on the good things about the relationship instead of looking for the bad. Be happy with what you have and don’t worry about finding something wrong. What you don’t know won’t hurt you.

If your partner gives you a reason to doubt with unusual behaviours, then it’s best that you confront him/her about it. If you are trying to find a reason to end the relationship that should be reason enough to end a relationship, you don’t have to wait to find something unbearable.

You trust your partner

Trust is something that is earned by consistent behaviour. A woman reflects the love a man gives her. Trust is reflected by a woman who is treated well by a virtuous man. A virtuous man is honest and has integrity. Ideally, a man shouldn’t give his woman the desire to have to look for evidence in his phone. A woman who trusts her man is a confident woman and a woman who feels secure in her position and value in the relationship. This is healthy.

If you DO decide to look through his phone:

Be prepared. Make sure you are ready for what you are going to find and for the reactions that will come with it:

1. Stress; stress causes sleepless nights, headaches and illnesses; 
2. Arguments; Fights, Disturbing thoughts that will haunt you forever….And for what - if you are going to make up with your partner anyway?

UNLESS you are ready to make that tough decision to BREAKUP: end it all, let that person go, suffer a loss and start zero with someone new.

My advice

Think thoroughly before you take action. Do not act out of impulse. Ask yourself a few questions that will assess your real motives for looking through someone’s phone: what are you really looking for and why? What will be the repercussions of your actions? If something bad is indeed happening, it will soon come to light all on its own. There is no need to worry or play detective, “For there is nothing hid that shall not be manifested.” Mathew 4:22

WHY IS SHE SINGLE?

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I have concluded that most “good women” are single. There she is – 1.5 metres tall and walks like she has gold mines in her hips. Her appearance is stunning and her conversations are fire. She holds a degree and is the most valuable player at work. You may think she’s in a relationship with an awesome guy, just like herself. But you find out that she’s more single than a note. Now, your most resounding question is; why is a good woman like her single?!!  Let me, Sir Sibiya, answer you…

A good woman, many men can agree, is an independent woman who has a lot going for herself: has a good job, can maintain herself, is smart, caring, not too needy, has a “good support system“, gives her man his time and space, and not too overbearing. I know A LOT of women who have these attributes, but they are still single. Meanwhile, women who don’t possess half the qualities are happily taken. Why?

Many great women who are intelligent, professionals and physically fit are fully indulged in their career, health, body, and their own lives. It’s very hard to juggle a full time job, school, gym, fun AND try to squeeze dating a man. Those women who can do all this AND maintain a successful relationship are exceptional! Dating can be time consuming, draining and stressful. Many powerhouse women already carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, dating a man may only bring an additional unnecessary load, at least according to them.

For a woman with a regular job, or no job at all, no friends, no ambition, or support system, maybe giving her all to a man can come easy. Having a man may even be necessary to her advancement in life. Kudos to this type of good women who usually stand out for the ability to cook, clean and be submissive. But for other types of good women, nurturing a relationship can be a hindrance to her goals and dreams. It doesn’t mean that this type of driven woman is lonely or loveless. This type of women receives love, companionship and satisfaction from family, friends, leisure activities and her career. There is no better feeling than being happy to go to work every day, getting paid to do what you love, and make your dreams come true!

Jay-Z once said about Beyonce “I don’t think it’s meant to be…cuz she loves her work more than she does me.”

Marriage and dating is not for every woman. To answer the first question: Why are good women single-because they choose to be!

THERE’S A GOOD GIRL, A BAD GIRL & A GOLD DIGGER

I am not an expert, but from what I have observed – I’ve concluded that there are three types of women who pursue any type of relationship with men.  The three types of women are: The Good Girl, The Bad Girl, and The Gold Digger. Let me break it down…

The Good Girl

The typical good girl is the girl who is in genuine search for love.  She pursues a trustworthy man to be in a long term relationship with. She is loyal and honest and looking for a man to marry. She has no interest in being unfaithful for finding excitement in another man. Usually, she is conservative and does not have an extensive past of lovers. She chooses wisely and makes it last.

Her goal: To find one man to be in a long lasting relationship with.

The Bad Girl

This type of girl is not really bad at heart, she is a girl that comes from a deep past of hurt. She used to be a “good” girl, but found that the role no longer works for her. She once gave her heart to the wrong man who changed her forever. She no longer believes in an everlasting love, so she doesn’t pursue it.  She doesn’t care about upholding a certain type of good reputation for herself. This girl’s only objectives are fun and pleasure. She has no regards for a man in a committed relationship. This is the girl all good girls fear, or deep down inside want to be. She will sleep, flirt or pursue any man she desires. She finds pride in fulfilling her physical desires. Loose, that’s how most would describe her, shame.

Her goal: Pleasures and excitement.

The Gold Digger

This girl isn’t in the relationship for love or sexual desire. She’s in it for the financial benefits. Just like the Bad Girl, she is not looking for a long lasting relationship; she is looking to fulfil her desire to get ahead materialistically. She doesn’t want a man, she wants his money. This type of woman also finds pride in what she does because the financial advancement justifies her actions.

Her goal: A new Gucci handbag.

When looking for a relationship, my advice to fellow gents is that women are usually very clear in showing you what they want from a relationship. On the other hand, we tend to be more deceitful. A man may act like a “nice guy” call and text frequently, court/take you out on dates as if he were in the relationship for something serious, but he may only want sexual satisfaction. Men may be more deceitful, but women are smarter. Therefore, my advice to women is making sure that you are getting exactly what you want out of your relationship. You deserve the best from the relationship-whether it is a temporary good time or long lasting love and a faithful commitment.